Supporting someone with a gambling problem: five approaches that work
SaveIf someone close to you is gambling more than they can afford, you can help — but the most helpful moves are often different from what feels natural. This article covers the approaches that actually make a difference: how to start the conversation, what to avoid, practical steps you can take, and where to find professional support.
Start by understanding what you're dealing with
Gambling harm is not a moral failing or a choice someone makes lightly. The person is often caught between strong urges to gamble, mounting debts, and genuine distress about what is happening. They may know it is a problem and feel unable to stop anyway.
Many people struggling with gambling also experience shame, which makes them less likely to talk about it. This shame is why support from someone they trust can be crucial — but only if that support comes without judgement.
Recognise the warning signs
You do not need a diagnosis to help. Watch for behaviour that has shifted: chasing losses (gambling more to try to win back money they have lost), gambling at unexpected times, being secretive about devices or spending, mood changes when they cannot gamble, or talking about needing to gamble to feel normal.
Financial signs matter too: unexplained debts, missed bills, requests to borrow money, or selling possessions. Relationship signs include withdrawn behaviour, arguing about money, or lying about gambling activity.
Have the conversation: what to say and what to avoid
Choose a quiet moment when you are both calm. Be direct and kind: "I have noticed you are spending a lot on gambling and it seems to be causing you stress. I am worried about you." Use "I" — your concern and observations — rather than accusations.
Listen more than you talk. They may not admit the problem straight away, and that is common. Avoid:
- shaming or anger — it deepens guilt and pushes them away
- trying to manage their money for them — it removes their agency and creates resentment
- offering large loans or paying debts — it removes the consequences that often drive change
- ultimatums you are not prepared to follow through on — they weaken your credibility
Do offer to help them find professional support. You can look up services together and even make the first call with them if they want.
Practical steps you can take together
- Help them understand what tools exist to stop or slow gambling — deposit limits (a cap they set on how much they can spend in a time period), time-outs (a break from their account), self-exclusion (a long-term block), or national services like GamStop.
- If they want to use these tools, sit with them while they set them up. Many people want to set them but find the moment difficult — your presence can help them follow through.
- Discuss money together if they are open to it. This might mean looking at what they owe, what bills are urgent, and what they can realistically pay back. You are not taking over their finances — you are helping them see the picture clearly.
- Suggest talking to someone professional about the debt separately. A debt adviser can help them understand options like a debt management plan or breathing space — a formal pause on debt repayments that gives room to get help for gambling.
Protect yourself and set boundaries
Supporting someone does not mean sacrificing your own wellbeing. Be clear about what you can and cannot do.
If they ask you to lend money, do not feel obliged to say yes. Say "I care about you, but lending money will not solve this problem and would put me in a difficult position." If they are asking repeatedly or pressuring you, it is okay to step back and suggest they speak to a professional adviser instead.
If their gambling is affecting your shared finances — a joint account, a mortgage, rent — you may need to take separate action to protect yourself. This is not betrayal; it is self-protection. You can still support them while doing this.
When to suggest professional help and what that looks like
Professional support works. A counsellor or therapist can help them understand why they gamble and build practical strategies to stop. Many people also find peer support useful — talking to others who have been through the same thing.
You do not have to wait for them to ask. You can say: "I think talking to someone professional would help. Would you like me to help you find someone?" Offer specific options — a helpline they can call, a counsellor they can contact — rather than leaving it vague.
| Approach | What it does | When to suggest it |
|---|---|---|
| Deposit limits | Caps spending in a set time period | When they want to gamble less but keep control |
| Time-out | Blocks their account for days or weeks | When they need a break to think clearly |
| Self-exclusion | Long-term block from one site or multiple sites through GamStop | When they want to stop entirely or need serious distance |
| Debt advice | Help understanding what they owe and realistic repayment options | When gambling has created financial problems |
| Counselling | Talking to a trained professional about why they gamble | At any point — this supports change in thinking, not just behaviour |
Take care of yourself
Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be stressful. You may feel responsible for whether they get better, or frustrated when they seem unwilling to change. You are not responsible for their recovery — they are.
If their gambling is affecting you significantly — your finances, your mental health, your relationship — you deserve support too. Talking to someone professional about the impact on you is not disloyal; it is necessary. A counsellor or therapist can help you set boundaries and look after yourself while you care about someone else.
Where to get help
If you or someone close to you needs support around gambling, these organisations are free and confidential.
- GamCare offers information and counselling. You can contact them by phone on 0808 8020 133 (free, 24 hours a day, seven days a week) or through their website.
- BeGambleAware provides information and support materials.
- GamStop lets someone block themselves from gambling sites licensed in Great Britain — you can help them set it up or suggest it.
- Gordon Moody offers residential and online treatment for people struggling with gambling.
18+ — gambling is for adults only. If you share a device with a young person, parental-control software such as Net Nanny can help protect them from gambling sites.
Download PDF: Supporting someone with a gambling problem: what to do this week PDF, 29 KB
Frequently asked questions
What should I do if they deny they have a problem?
Denial is very common. You cannot force them to admit it, but you can keep the door open by being calm and non-judgmental. Express your concern again if you see warning signs continuing. Sometimes people need to hear it from more than one person, or they need to feel the consequences of their gambling before they are ready to change.
Is it my responsibility to help them pay off gambling debts?
No. Paying their debts removes the natural consequence that often motivates change, and it can create resentment between you. What you can do instead is help them understand their options — like speaking to a debt adviser who can explore whether a debt management plan or breathing space is possible.
How do I know if I need support for myself?
If their gambling is affecting your finances, your sleep, your mental health or your relationship, you need support. You can talk to a counsellor about the impact on you, and you can set boundaries about what you will and will not do — both of these are healthy and fair.
ABC Vac Sweep Editorial Team